I crashed my bike. Twice. On. The. Same. Day. No joke. I mean I totally crashed and fell to the ground in a tangle of limbs and landed under my bike. All I can say is – thank goodness I was wearing a helmet or we might not be having this little chat.
Saturday was gorgeous here in Charlotte, so we decided to ride our bikes to the park up the street and check out the trails. Now, I’m not the most coordinated person on the planet. In fact, I’m quite clumsy and highly accident prone. But there’s probably a reason for the phrase “just like riding a bike.” Am I right?
I mean, seriously – little kids do it every single day!
The first face plant was on the corner of a busy intersection. You know that feeling when you know you’re going down, you can see it happening kind of in slow motion, and there isn’t a darn thing you can do about it? Yeah. That happened. I’m not sure which is worse – the fall, the landing, the multitude of witnesses, or the fact that I was almost at a complete stop and somehow managed to crash my bike. People were probably wondering what in tarnation that crazy woman was doing. Fortunately, I think it happened fast enough that it isn’t likely anyone was able to take a video, so I don’t anticipate it going viral on YouTube or appearing on America’s Funniest Videos.
One crash wasn’t enough, so the second time we were on a bike trail in the woods. I crashed and landed in the bushes. At least only the wildlife saw that ridiculousness. Chris was ahead of me so he didn’t see it either. He came back when he heard all the foul language coming from the bushes.
I finally made it home in one piece and immediately drowned my humiliation and celebrated the fact that I was alive with an appropriate choice of beer – Ballast Point Victory at Sea.
Speaking of beer (I didn’t have any before the bike ride) I’ve been putting it in everything lately. This bread was made with Dogfish Head Palo Santo Marron Brown Ale. I really wanted a honey brown, but we didn’t have any and this was the best option at Publix. I just added honey to the recipe.
This recipe makes two loaves, so I left one a simple brown ale bread and stuffed the heck out of the other one with bacon, gorgonzola, and figs. I drizzled the top of the plain one with honey to make him feel a little more special.
While I was lying on the ground in a pool of humiliation, Chris said, “Damn chick, didn’t you ride a bike when you were a kid?”
“Yeah, that’s how I got that scar on my knee.”
Update: Chris said this is me: Top Gear
Brown Ale Bread Stuffed with Bacon, Gorgonzola, and Figs
Ingredients
- 1 cup whole milk
- 2 tablespoons butter plus another 1-2 tablespoons for coating the bowl and pans
- 1/2 cup warm water
- 2 packets rapid rise active dry yeast
- 1 cup brown ale or honey brown ale
- 3 tablespoons honey 1-2 more if you want to drizzle it on top prior to baking
- 1 tablespoon salt
- 7-8 cups all purpose flour
- 1/4 cup gorgonzola crumbles
- 2-3 pieces of cooked and crumbled bacon
- 3-4 dried figs diced
Instructions
-
In a saucepan, heat milk and butter on low until butter is melted, remove from heat and let cool until warm to touch but not hot.
-
Slowly stir yeast into warm water and set aside for about 5 minutes
-
Combine brown ale and honey, heat in microwave until warm, 45 to 60 seconds - you don't want it hot, just warm
-
Pour beer/honey mixture, butter/milk mixture, salt and yeast/water into a bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the dough hook
-
Set mixer on medium speed and add flour 1 cup at a time until dough is formed and it isn't super sticky - you can turn it out onto a lightly floured surface and knead a bit to finish
-
Grease a large bowl with butter, add the dough ball, flip it to get butter on both sides, clover with a clean linen kitchen towel and set it in a warm spot to rise for about 1 hour and doubled in size
-
Punch down an turn onto a lightly floured counter
-
Divide dough in half
-
Knead one while continuously adding bacon, figs, and gorgonzola alternately - about 5-7 minutes until all the air bubbles pop
-
Knead the plain loaf about 5-7 minutes, until you feel all the air bubbles pop
-
Grease two round cake pans with butter, add one dough ball to each pan flip it to coat both sides, cover with the kitchen towel and let rise in a warm place until doubled in size - about 30 minutes
-
Preheat oven to 375
-
Drizzle plain loaf with honey if desired
-
Garnish the stuffed loaf with gorgonzola, figs, and bacon pieces, if desired
-
Bake 45 - 55 minutes, until golden brown and crusty
-
Cool on a wire rack
Adapted from About.com
Inspired by The Beeroness
Rachelle, I KNEW there was something I just innately liked about you. More than just based on the fact that you are super funny and post delicious food. It’s because we come from the same klutz-a$$ lineage. My husband will NEVER ever go on a bike ride we me.. after the one any only time I crashed my bike into every non moving object within 10 ft. He then said “are you kidding?!?” It’s not my fault I can barely walk a straight line without running into a wall, let alone ride a bike. I swear it was so much easier when we were younger. #AmIRight??, I could ride that cycle with no hands! Pfff. U and me sistah. We will devour this delicious bread, both ways, and let our men ride bikes together. I’d rather eat anyways. 🙂 this bread sounds Soooo delish. I’m going to make it both ways because I can’t decide which sounds better. And honestly, I don’t want to ♡ Cheers to being a klutz and stellar bread! Xo
Cheyanne – you are my soul sistah! Sistah from another mothah? 🙂 I can’t imagine what a crazy show that must have been to watch you crashing into everything. What’s even more priceless is the expression on our boys’ faces. I saw Chris’s and can only imagine your Boy’s expression was probably very similar. I hope you got as many honks from passing motorists as I did! And now that you mention it, I used to ride my bike with no hands flying down hills too! Cheers to you too klutzy friend. Enjoy the bread and stay off bikes! Thanks for the love even though I’m one hot mess! XOXO
Girl, I know how you feel! I lost time how many times I got hurt this year: fell cleaning the bathroom, broke 2 toes by kicking the couch (not on purpose!), broke a tooth… It’s just not my year! lol But I’m glad you’re OK. And this bread… Holy cow! It looks out of a professional bakery! I love beer bread and will def try this recipe!
Whoa girl! It sounds like you’re lucky to be in one piece! I’m glad you’re ok too. Thanks for the compliments! 🙂
Hahaha…I am totally imagining you crashing your bike on that trail and all of the foul language coming from the bushes. Chris was probably all like, “geez…these bears and chipmunks must be having a crappy day.” 🙂 Seriously, though, glad you are ok…and glad you got to have some beer afterwards. That porter looks amazing. I’ve never tried it, and I don’t think I’ve seen it in the stores up here…but I’ll keep an eye out for it now for sure! Also, bread = win. All day long.
Hehehe. Chis definitely did some head scratching that day. He is still pointing out new bruises I haven’t seen and finds it pretty amusing. We we watching Top Gear last night and as my luck would have it the episode had a guy crashing a bike. Chris rewound it at least 17 times and was laughing so hard he was in tears. Ballast Point is in San Diego and I can’t always find Victory at Sea, but when I do I buy it by the truck load! I hope you can find some too!
Oh my gosh, I hope you didn’t get hurt because I’d feel guilty for laughing out loud at the image of you in the bush yelling out four letter words. I’d love to try this bread with the beer and figs, but for obvious reasons I’d leave out the other two ingredients. 😉
It’s totally ok to laugh at me, Linda. And I’m ok – miraculously nothing was broken and I’ve just got some NASTY bruises. I think caramelized onions would be a nice substitute for bacon. Maybe ditch the dairy and add more beer! 🙂
Wowza. Not only is homemade bread pretty much the best thing ever… but… beer, bacon, blue cheese and figs!? YES PLEASE!! Omg, girl, this sounds AMAZING! Glad you’re ok after your fall!
Thanks Jess! I’m bruised and humiliated, but otherwise ok.
Holy crap! This is like a HAPPY HOUR lovers DREAM and a MEAL… I am in awe – You need to sell this to bars across the world! LOL!
Hahaha! An all in one meal. I LOVE that!
As a frequent faller myself, I can totally feel your humiliation and pain. It sucks to lack coordination. I’m jealous of the people who don’t wind up flailing everywhere like cartoon characters. But on the bright side, you are okay!
And this bread is more than okay. It’s a serious antidote to an afternoon in the bushes.
LOL! An afternoon in the bushes! That’s cracking me up!
I’m glad that you’re okay despite your falling off the bike! I got a bicycle for my birthday and I can’t wait to try it out. My boyfriend still has to finish putting it together. Um, beer in everything! Yes. I totally approve. We’re going up to VT this weekend and I can’t wait to try out some of the Craft Beers up there. Although Lawson’s brewery isn’t open to the public, I think we’ll be coming home with a few cans of Sip of Sunshine. 🙂
All I can say is be careful and wear a helmet! VT and craft beer? Can I come? 🙂
Wow I love this bread, Rachelle! I’ve never seen anything quite like this before! The gorgonzola and figs sound so delicious in here!
Thanks Gayle! Somehow beer inspires me!
I hope you are doing ok girl! to fun! This bread looks amazing! I tried making beer bread once and had no success, but will be trying your recipe soon!
Other than my seriously damaged ego, I’m doing just fine. Thanks!
I’m a huge huge fan of fresh baked bread and this one with beer looks so enticing! So well baked! I wish… I can make it today 🙂 thanks for sharing, girl! Loving it!
Homemade bread is always a good option and beer makes everything better, right? Thanks Savita!
This bread! This is amazing! I love how much good stuff you packed into these pretty loaves!
Thanks Annie! I did kind of go a little crazy, didn’t I? 🙂
Why is it that people falling automatically triggers a laughing response when you see it?? I was cracking up reading the beginning of your post and of course felt bad immediately. I don’t know why that happens. Anywaaaayy, this bread looks so yummy! Love the flavors you added!
You are so right, Annie! Don’t feel bad laughing at me – I’m completely ridiculous! 🙂
This bread sounds amazing! Plus I love how unique it is. Great idea!
Thanks so much, Shelby!
Oh dear, hope you are okay from your falls. Love this bread! It sounds amazing stuffed with all those goodies!
Thanks Kelly, I’m doing much better now!
OMGosh, two crashes? Maybe you should have a beer before you ride next time. 🙂 As far as this ale bread? I could eat this all day long. It looks amazing! YUM!
That’s some great advice, Kristi! At least then maybe it won’t hurt as much when I crash! 🙂
Two bike crashes in one day totally sucks but this bread doesn’t! The plain version sounds delish but I’m making mine with the cheese, figs, and bacon.
Yep! It sure did suck, Karrie! I hope you like the bread as much as we did!
This bread looks so divine! Thanks for AWEOSME share!
Thanks Anu!
Ouch! Even when little kids crash they seem to bounce right back and don’t limp around for days in pain! Glad you kept your sense of humor and your cooking skills! Keep wearing that helmet!!!
Kathy, I totally did not bounce back! I will never ride without a helmet after this experience for sure!
Gosh, I’m glad your ok after those bike crashes and thank goodness you had your helmet on! Bread is one of my major weakenesses, and since you also added beer, bacon, gorgonzola, and figs, I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off of this!
Thanks Marcie! Thank goodness I practiced safety first! 🙂